July 3, 2017

3 AM

 

Went to fish with dad today and hopefully other days until I can find a job.
The car ride to the dock was awkwardly silent aside from the Christian music dad was playing. It made me uncomfortable to be honest, especially since my dad has a stash of porn mags, so much for godliness, eh? Perhaps it;s not too hypocritical since I remember hearing in church that God will accept sinners with open arms no matter how far they stray. With this mind, we pass the library down the street from my house. In a sleepy daze I mistakenly misread its marquee as “Sinner’s Meeting at 12” instead of “Summer Meeting at 12” subconscious sinner’s remorse ? Dad turned the radio up you don’t have to make music about God to prove your the most loyal follower I annoyingly murmured to myself. The I had to check myself, who am I to tell someone how they should or shouldn’t worship? I’ve had more and more of these self corrections lately. I’m trying to hold myself accountable when I think something snarky about something or what people do.

I am also trying to curb my daydreaming by being more mentally present in moments. I am trying to focus and connect with the tangible realm more.However every now and then I allow my mind wonder anywhere it pleases for however long it wants.

We were finally  on the boat and making our way out on the bay  before dawn.

Enough inner debate, focus on what’s physically in front of you! I reminded myself.

Feeling the wind splash salt water in my face, noticing all the colored polka dots that make out my town in the night sky. I should be doing now as I type but when inspiration strikes you gotta got for it.Plus my thoughts fade as quickly as I they came up so if I don’t write them down they are gone forever.

Image result for port lavaca bay night

4:07 AM

About 10 mins into the boat ride I sensed something was wrong but I couldn’t tell what. I noticed the boat was making a sound that was unusual to my ears as I have been on boats my entire life. I stayed quiet since it’s been a long time since I went fishing so I figured maybe it’s just me. Then I notice my dad leave the cabin and when I turned around. There was smoke coming out of the engine. My immediate thought was the boat is sinking! One of the pipes leaked fuel on top of a hot engine part which was causing the smoke. I felt a bit of panic set in but then I looked over at my dad again and he seemed rather unconcerned about it so I figured it can’t be too serious or so I hope.

I don’t believe that I am psychic at all but I did find it interesting how my intuition told me something was wrong and it was right. I still struggle with feeling confident that I experienced something other worldly as there is so much people who fake that kind of stuff.I don’t want to be one of them. So for that sake, we will just blame the incident on my knowledge of what a boat sounds like and how it didn’t sound normal that day.

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